Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Days Are Missing

How can it be 10 days, TEN DAYS! , since I posted on this blog?! I have had the most miserable cold, all misery in the form of coughing, coughing, earaches and sore throats. Everyone in PT seems to have it and now I hear it lasts for at least three weeks and then has turned into pneumonia in some and bronchitis in others. Sigh - I am such a whiner but in my defense, I did not expect this bout of cold when I had my first ever flu shot!

Anyhow, we briefly had about three hours of sunlight last Wednesday or Thursday so I summoned all my cold weakened energy, dashed outside and snapped these pictures of spring in PT.
The Olympic Mountains as seen from my deck.

In the front garden, heather and miniature daffodils in bloom.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Giving Up a Piece of Self

Owning and working my shop is simply the best part of my life. The life I imagined I would have from the time I was a little girl creating a store in my parent's garage. Everything I did and learned all through life prepared me for the moment when my work became my life and my life became my own. Like training wheels being removed from my first bike, I took off and became what I had imagined. I love it.

Nearly nineteen years later, I realize that along with my chosen path has been the giving up of myself. I have missed events, lost friendships, ignored family and became consumed with working which, you must understand to me was never work but play. People have not always understood. Everyone thought, if you owned your own business you were free to take as much time as possible off from work, you could come and go as you pleased. That is simply not true of course, but in my case, I also make a large part of what I sell so the time factor has slipped away from me and become not my own. Creativity is a big part of everyday for me and something I can not imagine a life without.

No, what I have given up is the time to create my own work. Work that springs from a deep, deep place inside me and is not made with selling in mind. A from the gut work that speaks only to me. Work that allows me to expand my abilities in such a way that I feel fulfilled, satisfied and wanting another drink from that well every day, all day.

My work is the other man in my life. It supersedes every relationship I have or have had and becomes a living breathing entity that needs nurture and care. This is what I am missing. This is the piece of myself that I have given up. This is the sorrow I sometimes feel.

I am grateful that I do what I love and call it my living. I am grateful I have understanding from some. I am grateful that I support my family and others on this work. I am grateful for the spark of creativity I have been given.

Now, if I can just find more time.............

Monday, March 14, 2011

Moon-ing About

This piece of bead embroidery is almost done. I will be making myself a brooch and with eyes wide open, I will wear it as a talisman.  I lust after bead embroidery and find it hard to stop working on a piece. I just want to let it grow and grow/ This piece is done in some of my favorite colors, amethyst or purples and tourmaline greens. It is not often that I take the time to work on something just for myself and this piece I will wear with a sense of accomplishment. I will be back with the finished pics one of these days. Until then, I am going to nurse my cold and watch junk television and send prayers up for Japan.

Friday, March 11, 2011

She has gone. Carried into the vets office, laid on a soft, colorful blanket. Stroked. kissed and hugged goodbye, she ever so slowly closed her eyes, breathed one last deep breath and with a gentle sigh, slipped her earthly bonds and went home. My best and most devoted friend has left me and I am ever so sad. I look at her bed, her dish and miss her. At 5:30, time  to feed her and I wonder of she is okay, warm, happy. Again, I am crying. This grief is going to take awhile to pass and I will hold her memory and love in my heart forever. As my Baba would say, " Not goodbye , just say so long. "

Thursday, March 10, 2011

This Is What Happens....

... when you are so in love with the shape and everything about your cut Christmas tree - you fake plant it in your yard to look at its' beauty everyday! Have a great day my fellow bloggers!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

From a Friend's Blog

Deep Peace
of the running wave to you
Deep Peace
of the flowing air to you
Deep Peace
of the quiet earth to you
Deep Peace
of the shining stars to you
Deep Peace
of the gentle night to you,
moon and stars
pour their healing light on you
Deep Peace to you
-a Gaelic Blessing
I am reading this as I think of my sweet loving furry Regina and her end days. I am sad. 

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Sunday Mornings

...Are my favorite time of the week. I like to lounge in bed and read the newspapers   ( gasp - TWO of them ), watch the CBS Sunday morning show and have breakfast served on paper plates all while laying about. This Sunday is not one of those Sundays!! I am leaping about to attend to tenant issues in the apartment building I am not supposed to be managing but am, dealing with the dogs and cats and cleaning the house for Phil's return. Lounging will just have to wait!

The sun is out every now and then, lifting my mood and inspiring me with sun infused energy. For that reason alone, I am grateful. The air is clean, rarefied after the rain the last few days, crocuses are up and ready to pop and I am still scheming and planning a vacation to Panama. Will it really happen? Who knows?
Laying a heart

all things PT ( colored pencil )
shells, water, victorian houses, flowers, greens
For today, I will leave you with some recent sketchbook doodles. Have a great sunshiny, singing in the heart kind of day!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

As Evening Strolled in

Once in awhile I write some poetry. I am not the best poet in the world but I think that drafting a poem is like painting a picture with words. I like the way words lay next to each other and how their companionship feels as the sound of them leaves your lips. I struggle to find words in a combination that depict how I am feeling at that moment and then beyond. I want the words to linger in my thought processes and help me remember the moment just gone by. Just like this evening, in the early darkening of dusk, when I don't want to do anything but at the same time do not want the day to leave without noting it, I can preserve the moment, the day, the feeling in a brief written poem.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Suddenly, in the matter of just a few days, my Regina has become very old. She has a palsy and tremor in her legs, is ever so slow to rise from the floor and is having potty issues. I am very sad. I know that pets age and that they love us dearly but are only with us such a seemingly short span of years. Now, I watch her decline and must nurse and care for her as she has done with me these last 12 or so years. I do not even have any idea how old she is but I remember the day she came to stay with us, bounding in the front door wearing a silly, bright scarf, bringing a favorite toy from her foster home. She is deaf now but I still talk to her as if she hears me. She just stares into my eyes and watches me speak. When my lips stop moving, she just goes about her day. She is always ready to be with me to be my companion, to just lay near me as I work, to hover nearby in the house in case I call to her, a  voice she no longer hears. She understands me, my shortcomings, my personality that is at once expansive and loving and still, quiet, ignoring everything and everyone. She has been my friend, my companion who finds absolutely no fault in me, my accepting and true friend. I love this old dog.