Sunday, March 20, 2011

Giving Up a Piece of Self

Owning and working my shop is simply the best part of my life. The life I imagined I would have from the time I was a little girl creating a store in my parent's garage. Everything I did and learned all through life prepared me for the moment when my work became my life and my life became my own. Like training wheels being removed from my first bike, I took off and became what I had imagined. I love it.

Nearly nineteen years later, I realize that along with my chosen path has been the giving up of myself. I have missed events, lost friendships, ignored family and became consumed with working which, you must understand to me was never work but play. People have not always understood. Everyone thought, if you owned your own business you were free to take as much time as possible off from work, you could come and go as you pleased. That is simply not true of course, but in my case, I also make a large part of what I sell so the time factor has slipped away from me and become not my own. Creativity is a big part of everyday for me and something I can not imagine a life without.

No, what I have given up is the time to create my own work. Work that springs from a deep, deep place inside me and is not made with selling in mind. A from the gut work that speaks only to me. Work that allows me to expand my abilities in such a way that I feel fulfilled, satisfied and wanting another drink from that well every day, all day.

My work is the other man in my life. It supersedes every relationship I have or have had and becomes a living breathing entity that needs nurture and care. This is what I am missing. This is the piece of myself that I have given up. This is the sorrow I sometimes feel.

I am grateful that I do what I love and call it my living. I am grateful I have understanding from some. I am grateful that I support my family and others on this work. I am grateful for the spark of creativity I have been given.

Now, if I can just find more time.............

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