Saturday, July 28, 2012

So the other night, I was up late, all by myself, rocking the living room with no one in it and no television on. The house was quiet and the camera beckoned. I thought I would take some new pictures of myself for Facebook, maybe change my profile picture, update my outlook on life and self. I snapped picture after picture and still could not capture the look I wanted. I was after a " this is what I looked like in high school " picture. It only took me about 40 shots to realize, really realize those days are gone and it is time to settle into the physical age I am. No big deal, I thought. I can do this. Then the realization hit me how much I look like my mother. I see her in my eyes, my nose, the set of my chin, the curve of my lip. All at once, I felt her around me, with me, watching with amusement as I looked for that slim, young girl of my youth. I could see the sparkle in her eye and the mirth on her face as she watched me struggle with acceptance. I always have believed that those who have left us are still with us. They make themselves known through signs or a sound, a movement or a scent. I had taken oodles of pictures that night and then as I felt my mom come so near to me, the pictures changed, orbs of light floated around me, light that had not been there before. I had not changed position or light source. So many orbs, spots of light and then I looked closer and saw my mom in those lights and the other family members and friends she brought with her. I was NOT alone in my living room. I was not alone, struggling to capture a long ago me. I was with family and they accepted me, wove around me and supported the me I am now. Here is a bit of the journey I took that night....

This is about the 28th picture I took.

Then an orb moves in.
More orbs come in.
I am surrounded in orbs.
So although I am not one to post pictures of myself, I wanted to show the changes as my family moved in. You can say it is a trick of lighting, a play of the camera but I choose to believe, choose to feel, that it was family that photographed with me that late evening.

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