Not a very productive day today although the weather outside was sunny and fifty degrees. I was using this afternoon as a catch up day for studio work. A few projects, a much needed cleanup and tidying and a few moments to collect my thoughts. I did busy work too. Counted pieces for the shop into little baggies and labeled them. Read the good parts of the Sunday paper. Strung some Christmas necklaces for my display window. Did a bit of Facebook, Pinterest and drew. I am finishing up two more sketches in my living room drawing journal. I did paint crows. Concrete locally cast crows that need to be a deep, solid and rich black. Tomorrow onto the varnishing.

So now I am older. The days have become precious in their passing and I am reflective. I think of my family and friends, now long gone from my life and miss them. I miss what was, the child I was, the adults they were, the family we were. I have gathered memories and hold them close within to the deepest parts of my soul. They can not be shared with people now. They are long dark and gone and I remain aching for the company I never thought I would miss. Birthdays are a time for pause. A time for waking in the small hours of the morning, and letting the heart wind like ribbons through the doors and windows of the soul, reaching for what was and what could be again - all new.

So Jacob is growing out of the house and at 18 years old, he is so ready to leave the nest. I am not ready for him to leave at all. I still picture him at 9, helping us at bead shows, talking about his cat and the cat novels he was reading, playing amongst a huge pile of legos and still wanting bed time stories. The whole world is right when they say that time flies and before you know it, decades have gone by.

This is one of the choices he had in choosing his senior picture for the yearbook of which he is editor. I love this picture. This boy-man looking out into the world, determined, strong, confident. I love the muscles in his arm and the strength in his jaw. My God, but he is a handsome boy!

This is the other photo choice. He likes this one. The smile, he says. This picture reminds him that he is happy, popular and self assured. He feels it is him; that the picture says it is him in the thick of his life. I like it too but I see a senior yearbook picture, old stuck in the mud mom me, as more of a head shot.

WHERE DOES TIME GO AS IT PASSES BY? IS THERE A COLLECTION OF HOURS IN A CLOSET, waiting to be discovered and used? Is time different for the young? Do they see it as a forever moment?

I want to shelter my son and guide him. I want him to have wings and leave the home nest with gratitude and wisdom. With lessons learned enough to share with others. I want so much for him. I want him to be brave and smart and strong and know that we, his parents, love him and only want the best for him. I want him to return over and over again into our arms and home. I want for him a future of endless possibilities. Of health. Of clear blue skies. Of non GMO foods. Everything. I want everything for him.